The first 90

The first 90 days are not fun. They can be hell. I have been given this speech over and over by several friends and essentially it all boils down to "everyone involved has to get used to each other"...and nothing the parents do will seem like it is right. It helps to have a sense of humor and perspective.





The poor kid is not in a comfy, warm well cushioned personal room anymore where all its physical ands nutritional needs are met, so there is some shock there. There is also the schedule "everyone" has to get on..i.e. sleep/eat/what to do when awake and don't forget diaper changes. Just remember, the baby is getting used to this new world and being warm/cold, hungry, having wet drawers, startled by noises, bright light, etc..sleep is a great activity to recover but the little ones are going to be obliged to act/react on everything for a bit until they get used to it, which is where the 90 days comes in. Theoretically...



Look at it this way- It will feel as if nothing you do is right...sometimes babies just cry; it is a natural stress reliever and often is a pathway to sleep. Thomas would never sleep for very long the first few months; he cried and fussed when we laid him down. We were not letting him sleep on his stomach, per all the advice(i.e. books, experts, etc..) and forget about him being more comfy in his basinet. He would lay down, but was not happy about it.



About 1 month into this, a brother in law put him on his belly and Thomas slept four hours straight. We felt relief as a new hurdle was crossed. It is important even at this age to have a schedule, structure, as the babies focus the next few months will be all about its immediate needs-dry diaper, food, sleep...and having some kind of pattern helps.



My wife started a log with times noting diaper(wet/dry/poop) and bottle amounts(2oz/4 ounce etc..). I can't begin to tell you how useful that is when it is 3 a.m. and you can't remember when and how much the last feeding was, or when their last diaper was. Yeah. you change it as needed, but in general the log helps you identify patterns the baby may already be setting.

My wife and I had to get used to a new schedule just as Thomas did. Communicate, or should i say commiserate often, since both are unifying actions. Three useful things to have are:


1) Patience- nothing this kid does at this point is personal, he/she is trying to meet very basic needs..try to understand this and look for cues(eye rubbing, irritability, refusal to lay on belly)


Read up on what to expect, there are plenty of books out there. One we really enjoyed and benefitted from was "What to expect when she's expecting" (Heidi Murkoff/Workman Publishing) and "What to expect the first year". Both have useful information and timelines broken down by month so you get a good idea of what is going to happen/is likely to happen.

2)Humility_this is where you learn patience-babies can wear you down soooo fast; sooner or later you are going to get sprayed by some fluid or excrement, so be prepared and have tool 3 ready below.

3) A sense of humor-this is a lifesaver, have this and humility is easier and patience is a breeze. Think of all the new stories you'll have and you can get away with a lot of bathroom humor right now, more so than the wife might normally tolerate.

This doesn't mean you should let your kid take the blame for your flatulence!