1 year

It was 12 months ago today that Thomas Liam came to our world to stay....or so the song goes sort of...after 24 hours he came as 9 lbs 6 oz of labor-bruised joy joined our family.

365 days later and a robust 23 lbs, that translates many ways; 2555 diapers(at 7 diapers a day), 1092 bottles of formula or milk, an untold countless hours of lost sleep, an equally uncountable tally of baby wipes..but hey, what price can you put on the fun and happiness a baby brings to the world, eh?!

He is a hoot, and the adversity that comes with late nite wakeups for no apparent reason(diaper wet, hungry or just scared/agitated-who knew?!) and the arguments devoid of reason due to lack of sleep, well allegedly that is the stuff that builds character. Or at least a sense of humor.

He has taught us so much about ourselves, communication, and subtleties of human relations along the way. One of these days when his squawking and screeching becomes words we will what he has known all this time and has been trying to tell us. I am hoping it is that he is happy and enjoying life, because that is how it appears mostly. I would like to think he is doing great in his first year with new parents who are in their first year.

He still responds to his own brand of reason; so things like diaper changes on a regular basis, waiting for a bib when he is hungry, not getting access to certain cabinets or rooms are still a bit of a toss up for him emotionally, we try to meet his frustration with humor if there is no real problem there.

This evening he got upset after continuing to crawl underneath a piece of furniture after he looked right at me like he knew he wasn't going to like going underneath it. Then of course he kept going and got really perturbed when he could no longer lift/push himself up from a crawl because his entire body was underneath it. It was funny to all of us but of course not to him. One of many times we get to laugh at something we all knew, including him, he should not do but went and did anyways.

I gotta laugh now, I might not want to in 15 years when he tries to tell me "hey, in a few years we will laugh about this".

Every day is a gift. Remember that if you remember anything today.

The Dad

Well father's day went off without a hitch. It is odd because the whole "Dad" thing hasn't really sunk in. I mean the things that are going on now with our son are natural progressions of my life, I don't look at it as fatherhood. In context. Today our priest asked all fathers to stand up and acknowledges us, which is great albeit awkward, like when we are asked to stand up and be acknowledged on Veteran's Day and everyone claps. Still not comfortable with that one, but I appreciate it nonetheless. Service is what you do if you have any understanding, gratitude/appreciation for all the opportunities, the freedoms and choices you have in this great country of ours. It is an obligation for citizenship.
Yes, there are some indisputably regrettable things about our current situation as a country; pick your battle there. However don't forget for a minute that as a democracy not even 250 years old we are still young developmentally from a historical perspective; hence it is never to late to right the ship.
Anyways that is not the tangent I want/need to pursue. Maybe my next blog eh?!

The Dads of the day!

What about fatherhood. Yeah!... what an institution. It is alot of work but the rewards are great; you get results and feedback relatively quick! It is clearly not for everyone, which is ironic since human biology/physiology is such that a majority of males on this planet can become one. I have often joked that if I knew babies were this fun I would have done it earlier. This is more a sentiment than fact. Reality is I was pretty scared when I was at prime age for a family(i.e. early/mid twenties). Scared and selfish to a big degree, I thought I had enough to keep me busy with the Marines, trying to finish college, and still growing up well into my thirties.

Fatherhood is about so many things, but values comes to mind more than anything. Teaching the right values. Many which I ignored in my younger years and won't be surprised if my son does to some degree as his rite of passage. It is my task/duty/mission now to arm him with the sense of awareness, of judgement, the character traits that he will need to rely on to get through the challenge of modern society. Not just the social challenges like bullying, the intimacy of modern technology and conformity pressure. Those are always there no matter what the generation.

The biggest challenge this generation is maintaining moral character as technology has become so intimate there is very little we voluntarily can call "private". Yes, it is true that if you are in a public place, anything you do is fair game. However good judgement and the interest of good taste prevailed. Unfortunately in these times where print media is losing ground on all sides to the availability and prevailing inaccuracy of the Internet, the private matters of everyone else has become the new entertainment fodder. Yes, truth is always better than fiction, but there is less and less visible regard for the audience composition (i.e. children and conservative types) for the sake of beating the competition to the punch(if if bleeds it leads).

Discretion is the better part of valor, however to develop it usually requires wisdom of character and some help from humility. Shed the ego when it comes to kids or they will wear you down fast. I have hit on a lot of topics here and want to focus on one thing this father's Day, something that was drilled into me throughout my time in the Marines. Leadership by example. You can talk, yell and cajole all you want with children, but they are going learn and consequently model most from everyday behaviors, the things you say the most when you are around them, the things you do when you frustrated, the things you do when you are happy/angry/sad. Kids have these feelings too, but may not know how to appropriately express them. And no matter how you explain it to them, they will learn how to manifest them physically(i.e. act out) by you and your actions to similar feelings/situations.

Fatherhood is an awesome "task", you are morally responsible for another living being. It is also an honor, though. The child you develop into a responsible adult is only limited as a child by what you fail to teach them about the world and good choices. Canon Law doesn't consider a child capable of moral decisions prior to age seven. After then their moral "set" is usually considered "established". Why am I throwing this out so late in my piece? Because I want to end big, with the prevailing thought of how important it is to be present as a moral as well as physical and emotional support provider. Fatherhood is not just a word or a chore, it is a gift.

bedtime part II

Some parents may experience some type of separation anxiety at night when putting their little one down to sleep. Sometimes they just want to be held a little bit longer or it could be they just aren't wound down enough o want the bed. Just as in dealing with separation anxiety during the day, it's important to remember that separation anxiety at night is a normal part of growing up and won't last forever.

Staying up all night keeping your child company whenever they wake up or until they fall asleep only teaches them that you will reward them with your presence(i.e. attention) for their unwillingness to sleep, stay in bed etc.... And it won't help baby exit this phase any quicker, but following these tips may help ease separation anxiety at bedtime.

This one I learned right away-keep the night calm and wind the baby down before bedtime. Gradually ramp down the excitement level during the hours leading to baby's bedtime; keep the mood in the house calm. I learned quickly that playing helicopter wasn't a good idea right before bottle and after jammies. Initially it was bath, books(read a book) , bottle then bed. Thomas' low attention span ruled out the book option pretty quickly. Now he crawls around his bedroom and looks at toys and playthings, slowly winding down. This will help keep your infant's stress level low before the stressful separation that comes at bedtime.

This does require giving your child some pre-bedtime attention. During the hours leading up to bedtime, try spending some extra time focused on your baby. Put your reading away, turn off the music/TV any distractions and try to give your child as much attention as you can.
Stick to the routine – A routine can lower stress levels for your baby because they know exactly what to expect. Switching even a little detail, like skipping story-time or doing things slightly out of order, might not seem like a big deal to you, but it can be very unsettling for them. Predictability is reassuring and comforting for your child.


Don't pick him up, turn on the light, or stay until he is asleep. Whether it's when you first put him down, or when he wakes up in the middle of the night, try to avoid these behaviors. If he pulls up, it's best to just lay him back down in his crib and say goodnight again in a comforting tone or in our gently but briefly rubbing his back. Staying in there afterwards is a distraction more than a comfort.

Sometimes babies wake up at night not because of separation anxiety, but because they just aren't feeling well. Ear infections and teething can be particularly painful at night, so check with your pediatrician if you have any concerns or possibly a prescription for the discomfort. In the case of ear infections, babies will usually rub the annoying ear. When there is teething or an infection, it is so hit or miss sometimes I don't know and just put the ointment on the gums and hold them til they fall back asleep. If they are really grumpy I also have small rolled up rags that are frozen for them to chew on for temporary relief.

Whatever the reason, don't take it personal. The baby is doing it because it has a need, not a vendetta. Keep in mind what its motivation would be to drive that behavior and you are well on your way to understanding the subtle ways your young child is already communicating with you.

There are different methods out there to help your baby sleep, too. The link below describes a series of techniques called "The Baby Sleep Solution", where you are provided with 23 techniques to determine which one works best for your baby's sleep discomforts.

This is an audio program you download as well as an accompanying transcript. There is also a money back guarantee and the ad is free to look at so got to Babysleep!

Closing in

It is closing in on his first year of life and oh what a year it has been; between relocating from Alaska to Houston, transferring jobs, losing jobs, getting used to much family around often, Thomas has weathered it well. He is undoubtedly the most flexible socialized child I know.

Alot of things occurred developmentally that we hadn't thought so this early in his life.

He has learned a schedule, though he is not usually cool with the 'nap" part(luckily we are cool with it)
He has learned the beginnings to communicate using basic sign language. Though it is usually accompanied by a screen or whine.
He is developing physically much faster than we thought, already standing and walking with moderate assistance.

He has really taught us the importance of communicating with each other more clearly in regards to everything. Sometimes as a parent you get so beat down by the events of the day, you don't always communicate or even worse, expect someone else to know, your needs/situation.

Probably could go on and on here, essentially kids are here to teach us about ourselves; they will bring so much you have hidden within out in the open. I have heard from other circles of friends a statement that one attributed to Outward Bound- "Adversity introduces us to ourselves"..well kids do a good job of that too! But with the right frame of mind and some patience, you learn to forgive yourself and enjoy the fleeting precious time you have with them, no matter how frustrating they may make your day.

Every day is a gift.